Why and How to Hire Friends

I have some thoughts about the correct way to approach and utilize the skills and resources of friends, relatives, fellow church members, colleagues at school or work, and anyone you have a current connection to in your circle. 

I think we can all agree on the awkwardness that can creep into a room or onto a text screen or phone call when someone you know asks you for a hookup or to utilize your skill set without properly offering compensation for said service or goods. We’ve likely all been there.

Some would say that hiring or doing business with friends or relatives or is just asking for trouble. Of course there are those cases when things go awry because of miscommunication or mismanagement and that really sucks. But personally, I prefer employing friends and those around me when I am in the market to pay someone for something. I feel that if I didn’t already know this electrician or that bookkeeper I’d have to go and Google one or ask for recommendations. Then I’d be starting from scratch. To me the simple fact that I have a current relationship and therefore a certain trust level and understanding of what kind of person they are is hookup enough. At the very least I don’t have to search out a random person for this gig. Any discount that they wish to offer is then put into their court and is just a nice bonus.

I wanted to share a few simple principles that, if followed, I feel can help you avoid being known as the “user friend”.

1. Assume full price. Never approach somebody with the expectation that they will give you a sweetheart deal just because they know you. They probably will...but out of respect and decency you let them make the offer.
2. Don’t ever use guilt or play the sympathy card. Nothing is worse than someone guilting you into giving them something. That makes most people I know immediately decide “forget you“. People in general just don’t want to be told what to do… It’s just that simple. They want to realize things for themselves… or at the very least they want to feel like it was their idea. Let them ask you about your circumstances and if they are interested in charity they will dig deeper and offer it.
3. Don’t be a dork when they do offer you a deal. Let’s be honest, you wouldn’t be asking a family member or friend or acquaintance about a service or product if you didn’t hope to get a better deal than Joe Blow on the street. Just realize the person you’re asking knows that because they probably do the same thing. If they offer you a deal (like you kinda hoped they would) be cool about it. Don’t accept it too quickly with too much enthusiasm but also don’t keep saying “oh no I can’t do that“. Politely decline once and as long as they insist then graciously accept. No need to make a scene… it’s just another friendly transaction in the world.
4. After the exchange don’t be afraid to speak up. Here’s one that may be overlooked and that you may not agree with… But hear me out. The person giving the discount and providing the product or service to the friend did so by their own choice and free will (remember, you didn’t guilt trip them). They should be completely willing to stand behind whatever they provided just as if no discount or deal had been given. In other words, if you have a hook up and get me a didgeridoo at wholesale but when it shows up at my door the didgeri falls off… don’t just say “well, they got me such a good deal on this I don’t want to complain or be a bother“. I will bet you the person would prefer you tell them so that they can make their business or service or product better rather than you keeping your mouth shut thinking that you’re being polite. You may have to feel that one out on a case-by-case. 
5. Reciprocate generously. It’s common sense that if someone hooks you up and does something awesome for you that you would be willing to do the same when the opportunity arises. I have a good friend that embodies this idea. I’ve helped him with many projects over the years and he always vigorously wants to pay me. A few times I have accepted payment but mostly I choose not to. But you better believe that when I need him, even if it’s just for 10 minutes, he is there and making phone calls to bring help. And that’s the kind a dude that’s got your back no matter what.

That’s my take, I welcome any thoughts!